


The Side No One Sees

by thingyoudowiththatthing



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Nightmares, PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-12-25 12:27:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18261290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thingyoudowiththatthing/pseuds/thingyoudowiththatthing
Summary: It's very few people that get to see the man behind the mantle. You do.





	The Side No One Sees

To the world, Steve Rogers was Captain America. The stoic hero. The leader that always knew what to do and never wavered in his convictions. He was all of those things when he had to be, but Steve was so much more than that too.

He was a young man that had been at war most of his adult life. He had seen friends and loved ones die. He had lost people while he was frozen in the ice. He had felt what it was like to die, or so he had believed at the time.

He wore a lot of open scars, but Steve had never allowed himself a moment to let them heal. He pushed it all down and carried on because there were people who suffered more than him. There was a world that needed him, friends and loved ones that he needed to look out for.

It had been like that for a long time. Even if Steve had his friends were he could relax, he hadn’t let his guard down completely since before World War II. Not until he had met you. Around you, he could relax. You weren’t tainted or damaged by war. You were strong and normal and happy. More importantly, you saw him. You saw Steve. Not Captain America but the man behind the mantle. You didn’t care what he did for a living. You cared about him.

So slowly, Steve began to relax completely. He found an escape from his life and responsibilities outside the Tower in you. Steve was himself, without responsibilities or people expecting something of him. All you wanted was him. So Steve let go of it all. It was hard at first, and he felt as if he was pretending to be someone, he wasn’t either when he was with you or when he was back the Tower doing his job.

Slowly, and after a few conversations with Sam, Steve started to realize neither of them was pretending. He was Captain Rogers. He was a leader and someone who put people before himself. He would always stand up for the little guy, and he would always hate bullies. It just wasn’t all that he was.

He was also someone that liked sleeping in on Sunday’s when you snuggled closer, tangling your legs with his as he tried to leave the bed. He was someone that liked holding your hand as you walked through the city, and shopping at the farmer’s market. He was someone that loved to help you in the kitchen but always ended up being in the way, causing you to push him laughing onto one of the chairs by the island handing him a beer. He was someone that loved being happy with you and someone that could once again picture himself having all of the things he had dreamt of a long time ago. Love, a family of his own, a house to return to after missions. A home.

As Steve started to allow himself to dream of all of the good things again, the nightmares also started. He wasn’t sure what the cause was. If it was because he now had something, someone to lose that hadn’t signed up for the life he led. Or maybe it was simply because all of the walls and safeguards he had put around his head and heart were now breaking down, and the darkness had found its way through along with the happiness. He wasn’t sure what it was, but according to Sam, it wasn’t unhealthy. Not as long as he didn’t bottle it all up. Not as long as he dealt with the terrors that at times haunted his nights.

He felt horrible for you when he woke up screaming after seeing his best friend fall to his death or turn to dust in front of him. Bucky was back. Everyone was back, but that didn’t take away from the years of pain or the anger that had filled him after Thanos’ genocide. To Steve, it had happened, just like his own death was still very real to him.

He had felt the ice cold water fill his lungs as he crashed the plane into the ocean. He had thought he was going to die, and he had felt the life and breath leave his body. Those memories were the cause of the nights he shot up in bed, gasping for breath and clawing at his own throat.

“Steve… It’s okay. You’re home. You’re alive. I’m right here.” Your soothing words and the feel of your body pressed against his back, your legs around his waist as you fought to keep his hands steady so he wouldn’t hurt himself, slowly brought Steve back to reality.  

He closed his eyes, tears streaming down his face as he allowed himself to feel your embrace and your love. He hated doing this to you. He hated walking you up in the middle of the night, having to deal with your broken boyfriend.

“Don’t,” you scolded as if you were reading his mind. You always seemed to know what he was thinking and feeling. You seemed to see right through him in a way no one else could, maybe aside from Bucky.

“I’m right here, Steve. I’m not going anywhere,” you promised, and Steve rested his hands on top of yours, leaning back against you. “You’ve been through too much, and you are still this amazing, caring man. I love you so much. A few nightmares are not gonna chase me away.”   

“I love you too,” Steve replied as you gently tugged him back down into bed, tangling your body with his. You held him close, as if you were trying to prove with your actions that your words were true. Steve didn’t need any proof. The strength and love shun from your face, and even if Steve hadn’t thought it possible, he always felt himself loving you a little more on nights like this.

“You can talk to me you know?” you smiled softly, running your fingers through his hair, and Steve closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as he began telling you about his dream.

No matter what Steve was to tell you, you never judged him. You never seemed to break even a little by it. You were just there, shooting him through the storm created by his memories. Just like you were there the day after, even when you weren’t together as he left for work.

You left small notes reminding him of all the reasons you loved him. On his tactical gear. On a lunch you had packed for him. On the back of his shield. In places in the Tower he still hadn’t completely figured out how you got too, but judging by the innocent smirk on Bucky’s face as the rest of the team laughed while Tony teasingly read a note out loud, he might have been your helping hand. It was about why you loved Steve’s blue soulful eyes, and even if his teammates awed and laughed, and Steve blushed profusely, he still smiled. He was home, amongst family, and he had an amazing woman waiting for him at the end of each day.

His life would never be completely normal, but he still had love. He still had all he had ever dreamed off. Even if the past would always be a part of who he was, he knew that the nightmares would eventually fade, and when they did, you would still be there. His chosen family would still stand by him. Steve Rogers had found a home, even if it wasn’t the one he had pictured as a kid growing up in poverty in Brooklyn, it was still all he had ever wished for.


End file.
